


The lives we live

by CurlyCourage



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Dark Lexa, F/F, F/M, Girl Penis Lexa, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, will add tags as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-06-01 02:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15132719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlyCourage/pseuds/CurlyCourage
Summary: Our lives become so monotonous that we fail to realize how much we miss it when our lives are drastically changed and sometimes it not always for the best. This is not a love story no matter how much I wish it was. My name is Clarke Griffin and this is my story.This is my first time posting so please bear with me. I had an idea for a dark Lexa and damaged Clarke and wanted to see if anyone would be interested in reading it. I will try to post regularly!





	1. Chapter 1

Our lives become so monotonous that we fail to realize how much we miss it when our lives are drastically changed and sometimes it not always for the best. This is not a love story no matter how much I wish it was. My name is Clarke Griffin and this is my story.

 

I grew up with a single mother when I witnessed my father’s murder. I was only 10 and my father was taking me out for ice cream to celebrate my good grades. It all happened so fast we were talking and laughing when these two men tried to mug my dad, he was trying to push me behind him when one of the men pulled the trigger. They took what they needed and ran away before I could even blink.

My dad falls to the ground and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much blood in my life. He was trying to speak but I couldn’t hear anything and that was when I heard him whisper “I love you” before I watched the life leave his eyes. When the cops finally showed up and saw me kneeling over his dead body they tried to ask me what happened but I just continued to stare into my dad’s eyes. When they took me to the hospital where my mother worked at due to my unresponsiveness she was hysterically crying asking me “what happened Clarke please talk to me!” I could only stare at her but all I could see was my dad’s lifeless body. The doctors later discovered this traumatic experience caused my catatonic state. My mom not only lost a husband that day but also a daughter. I was never the same after that day.

Flash forward 7 years later…

Graduation day couldn’t come sooner. I can’t wait to leave this place and these people. To say these past 7 years have been great would be a lie. People who look at me right now might see a happy graduate smiling in front of the camera with their mom by their side saying “I’m so proud of you Clarke you’re father would have been too.” I just look at her, smile and tell her “thanks, mom.” I’ve gotten good at masking my feelings and lying. When you spend half your childhood in therapy proving to your mother and doctor that you’re not a danger to yourself and others you pick up a trick or two. My mom is not a bad person she just changed after my father died. She changed, even more, when I was 13 years old and started dating Marcus Kane a lawyer who owned his own firm. I felt betrayed when I would see them kissing or touching when they thought I wasn’t looking. It was even worse when I would hear them fucking at night. Every time I would close my eyes I would see my dads lifeless eyes and hear my mom moaning the name of another man. Marcus is not a bad man but I will always hate him for stealing my mom and trying to replace my dad's spot.

They got married a year later and had my new baby sister Charlotte the year after that. My mom basically got a redo in life and I’m just the byproduct of what is left from her old life. I know she still loves me but I also know that every time she looks into my eyes she sees my dad and I just remind her of what she lost. That’s why she barely talks to me and when she does it’s never with direct eye contact.

“Clarke? Sweetie, I’m so proud of you!” Marcus says as he hugs me with Charlotte on his back. I hug him back and smile my thanks.

“Where do you wanna go for dinner to celebrate your graduation?” Abby asks.

“If it’s ok with you can we do the celebratory dinner later? My friends invited me out to a party.” Abby looks like she’s about to argue but Marcus steps in and say “of course Clarke you go out and have fun just don’t be out too late.”

I give them both kisses on the cheek and give Charlotte a tickle before I wave goodbye and head to my car. As soon as I reach the car I feel like I can finally breathe. It gets so tiring sometimes pretending to be happy. I close my eyes and inhale for 6 seconds and exhale for 8. The only good thing I learned in therapy was this breathing technique. I start the car and begin driving but not to Harpers, not yet anyways I make a slight detour to Sacred Hearts Cemetery.

I drive in and follow the same route that I’ve taken almost every week since he died. “Hey dad.” I say with a smile on my face the only time I ever genuinely smile, as I sit down next to his tombstone. “I graduated today I wish you could have been there to see me walk down and get my diploma. I got into every university I applied to, some close to home and others not much. I am sorry dad but I can’t stay here anymore, everywhere I go in this town reminds me of you.” I cry out with tears running down my face. “Mom barely looks at me anymore. She spends all her time with Charlotte and Marcus. Even when they try to include me in family activities I feel like it’s just an afterthought and they’re just playing through the motions.” I sniffle and breath in deeply to clear my throat. “It’s hard for me to say this dad but this will probably be the last time that I can come and visit you.” I get up and kiss the tombstone whispering “I love you dad may we meet again.”


	2. Chapter 2

House music was playing in this London nightclub. I feel the alcohol coursing through my veins and sway to the music, surrounded by a dozen other sweaty bodies on the dance floor. I usually don't like going out and drinking but I just turned 18 and my new friends wanted to celebrate.

I have been in London for the past 2 months and I can easily say I miss nothing about Arkadia except my dad. The nightmares are still present but I don't feel like the walls are closing in on me whenever I walk the streets of London. My mom and Marcus were surprised when I told them I booked a one-way ticket to London. Marcus said, "if this is what you want to do Clarke then you have my blessing." My mom had this strange look on her face both of fear and relief. It hurt to notice that she was relieved to not have me around anymore but I understood I'd hate myself too if I was the constant reminder of one's failed life. She got up and she hugged me for the first time in years. I mean she really hugged me like she used to when I was a little girl. She looked me in the eye with tears unshed and whispered, "I love you, Clarke, may we meet again." I think deep down she knew I wouldn't be coming back and if I ever did it wouldn't be for many years. I give them all one last hug and wave goodbye as I walk to the cab that will take me on a new journey in my life.

With the money, I saved up and the small inheritance my dad left me I was able to rent a small studio apartment in London's art district, Peckham. Every month my mom and Marcus would transfer money into my account to make sure I was taken care of but it just felt wrong to use their money. I wanted to live on my own and away from my old life. So I got a job as a waitress not far from where I live and drew portraits for tourists walking the London streets. My life was not glamorous but it was better than what I had before and it was something that I created for myself.

Octavia bumps into me holding my drink and screams in my ear "Happy Birthday Clarkey!!" She is absolutely drunk but hey so am I and I can't help but smile and drown the shot she just gave me. "Gosh Clarke I don't think I've ever seen you smile and let your hair down. I love it! I'm getting you drunk more often." She says and giggles back at me. She staggers back to her boyfriend Lincoln and starts dancing on him while drunkenly making out. I met Octavia when I was applying for the waitressing position, she is just a big ball of energy and befriended me just like that. She walked up to me and without looking at my job application she told me "you've got the job." I looked up at her and asked, "are you sure?" She just gave me a smile and said, "I have a good feeling about you and plus my brother owns this cafe." I couldn't help but smile and thank her for giving me this chance. I can relate to Octavia she lost both her parents in a car accident and her older brother Bellamy had to take care of her. They left Spain and came to London to start new lives.

I start to feel numb to everything around me except the bass of the music. I close my eyes and throw my hands in the air just swaying to the sound of music. I don't know if its the alcohol, the atmosphere or both but being surrounded by all these people I've never felt freer.

I feel someone come up behind me and start dancing I don't mind it but when he starts to grab my waist and grinds his bulge against me I need to get away. When I try and get away he grabs my wrist and tilts his head questioningly. I offer him one of my fake smiles and gesture to the bar saying "sorry my friends are waiting for me." As I walk away I can feel his eyes tracking my movements. I reach the bar and try to get the attention of the bartender when he suddenly slinks right up next to me and says "Let me buy you a drink sweetness." His smile is too big and he reeks of vodka and cologne. I try to brush him off and tell him politely "its ok thank you though." And turn back to get the attention of the bartender. When he finally sees me and takes my order for two tequila shots one for me and Octavia. Mr. Reeks of cologne comes back and smirks saying " double fisting? My kinda girl." He licks his lips and gets closer to whisper in my ear "I've got something else you can double fist sweetheart" and grabs at his crotch. I start to slowly back away and scan the crowd for O and Lincoln when I suddenly feel two arms wrap around my waist. I look up and stare into the greenest eyes that I have ever seen. Eyes that are staring deep into my soul as if they knew all my fears and secrets. I couldn't help but gasp.

“Kitten.” She purrs into my ear. I feel goosebumps forming and a small shudder down my back. Her accent is strange yet beautiful it sounds Sicilian but with Arabic undertones.

I hear her say “thank you for grabbing our drinks while I was in the bathroom.” Loud enough for the guy to look at us with her arms wrapped around me and the woman glares at him. If looks could kill he’d already been dead. He doesn’t say anything just puts his hands up in surrender and walks away to probably bother some other girl.

“Tha-thank you.” I stutter out.

“Don’t mention it.” She says and smiles down at me. “I saw him getting in your face when you tried to get away and making those lewd comments. I just thought you needed a little help to get him off your back.”

“Well thank you again. I really appreciate it. Here please take this shot as a sign of my gratitude.” I say with a small smile and hold up the shot glass.

“Well, who am I to deny myself a drink from a beautiful woman.” She says with a small chuckle. She takes the shot glass and clinks it with mine saying, “cheers” and downs it like water. I swallow mine and grimace at the taste but try hard to not show it.

“So does my savior have a name?” I ask and cringe at how awkward that sounds. She smirks and says “my name is Lexa. What's yours? Or do you prefer kitten?” I can’t help but blush when she calls me that. “Just kidding.” She says with a chuckle and grin. I giggle back “my name is Clarke.”

“Well, Clarke since you’ve been so kind as to give me your drink. It would be very unladylike of me to not buy you one as well. I have a booth on the upper level if you wanna sit down and chat.” She tilts her questionably and stares into my eyes as if she already knew the answer.

“Umm sure but I can’t be gone too long I’m here with my friends. We’re out celebrating my 18th birthday actually.” I say with a chuckle.

“Ok birthday girl what would you like to drink?” Lexa asks.

“Surprise me.” I sass back. Wow, that lost tequila shot is just going to my head. Maybe I should pace my self.

Lexa looks me up and down before shaking head slightly and smiles at me before making her way to the bar. I can’t help but stare at how she walks like she owns the place. The black jeans highlight her tight ass and the green sheer blouse leaves nothing to the imagination.

She comes back with our drinks and we make our way to her booth upstairs. As I settle down and admire the view from above I can feel her staring at me. I turn around but not before I notice the slight predatory look in her eyes. Before I can even blink it’s gone and her easy-going grin is back. She holds up our amber glasses and says “cheers to new friendships.” I raise my glass and whisper back “cheers.” The first sip has me coughing and spluttering out “what is that?!” I can see Lexa laughing loudly saying “it’s Scotch. You did tell me to surprise you. Is this your first time trying it?” I can only nod my head as I’m still coughing. I feel Lexa rub my back asking me “if you don’t like it I can get you something else.”

I straighten my back and she removes her hand from my back to give me a napkin. “No, it’s alright thank you. I just didn’t realize it was going to be so strong.” To assure her that I’m ok I take a small sip of the scotch and ask her “so Lexa besides saving women at bars. What do you do?”

She looks at me incredulously before answering. “I work for a security firm.” She takes a long sip before asking me “and what about you?”

“I’m still trying to figure that out,” I answer back honestly.

“Well, you’re still young everything will happen in due time. You just need to let life guide you.” Lexa says back.

“Wise words from someone who doesn’t look older than 22.” I sass back and take another small sip.

“Looks can be deceiving.” She smirks back at me and says “I’m actually 28 but thanks for the compliment.” She winks.

“What? No way!” I exclaim.

“Yes way.” She chuckles.

“Well thank your parents for me because they have amazing genes,” I say back before drinking the rest of the scotch. Wow, this scotch is really strong. I feel like I’m seeing double.

When I don’t hear a response back I look up and notice she’s just staring at me. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘the eyes are the windows of the soul’?” She asks me and I can only nod my head yes. “When I look into your eyes Clarke I see so much potential. You might not see it now but you will.” She brushes my hair behind my ear and that snaps me out of my daze. Her eyes will be the death of me.

When I can finally get my mouth to move I blurt out “do you wanna dance?”

She stands up and smiles down at me before offering me her hand. “I thought you’d never ask,” Lexa says.

When we make it back to the dance floor there are a lot more people dancing. I feel Lexa mold her front to my back and she rocks her body against mine. I feel the scotch take a stronger effect on my body. I feel looser and my body just melts against Lexa. We’re in the center of the dance floor and she starts spinning me or is the room just spinning I don’t honestly know. I hear her whisper “soon” in my ear before I close my eyes and start swaying to the hypnotic beats. I feel arms wrap around my waist again and I can’t help but smile and turn around so I can stare into Lexa’s green eyes. The eyes I was now staring at were green but not the right shade. “Hey Clarke you having fun?!” Octavia exclaims.

“Huh? Umm yea I am. Where’d Lexa go?”

“Who?” Octavia asks

“She’s this girl...” I shake my head to try and gather my scattered thoughts. “Never mind,” I say instead.

“Ok... the guys wanna buy you celebratory shots. So get your ass back there and start drinking!” Octavia yells and starts dragging  
me back to our table.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be right back O just need to get some fresh air.” I tell her and she nods back in acknowledgment.

The fresh air helps to clear some of my scattered thoughts except for what happened to Lexa. Where did she go? And why do I care that she just left me hanging? I inhale for 6 seconds and exhale for 8. I do this a few more times before I put my “normal” smile on and walk back into the club.

The following day...

My head feels like it was run over by a semi and god my mouth is so dry and tastes like shit. Ughh I’m never drinking that much again. I reach for the water bottle that I always keep by my dresser when I notice that I can’t move my hands. I open my eyes and all I can see is darkness. I continue to try and free my hands but the restraints just won’t budge. I try to move the rest of my body but I’m strapped to this chair real tight. I scream for help but my mouth is too dry and all I could croak out is a small “help.”

When I start thrashing around in my chair. I feel a hand on my shoulder which instantly stops me. The hand gives my shoulder a small squeeze but it pulls away. The room is silent except for my labored breathing. The black bag is removed and as my eyes adjust to the light. All the air leaves my lungs and I gasp out “you.”

“Hello kitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for comments and kudos guys! Let me know what you think of chapter 2. I didn’t proofread this chapter but I will fix any grammar and punctuation issues later. Also chapter 3 is when the real fun starts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for not posting you know how life can get sometimes with work, school, and family. I will try and get back into the swing of things and continue writing this story which I hope you will enjoy. Again any comments and feedback is appreciated.

I can only stare at her while I hold my breath to stop from screaming. She just has this nonchalant attitude as if kidnapping someone is no big deal.

"Wha-what am I do here?" I say with a rasp as I try to lick my dry lips. 

"Here's some water I know you're thirsty," Lexa says ignoring my question. 

When she pushes the water towards my mouth I turn my head away and glare at her.

She sighs and says "Come on Clarke you need to drink you're dehydrated." When I continue to glare at her she takes a sip of the water. "See the water is fine just please take a sip," she says with a small smile on her face.

"What the fuck am I doing here?!" I yell at her while thrashing in my chair.

"Clarke!" She yells. "Stop moving like that before you hurt yourself."

I can't help but laugh, oh the irony... "You've got to be kidding?! Hurt myself? You're the one who kidnapped me!"

"Semantics." She says with that stupid grin on her face.

I feel all the energy leave my body and ask her "Can you please let me go I won't tell anyone about this. I swear."

She looks deep into my eyes and says "I know you won't Clarke, but you can't leave." 

I feel tears start to form but I won't give her the satisfaction of seeing them fall. "Why are you doing this?" I ask. 

She doesn't say anything just pulls out a switchblade. I gasp and shut my eyes, hoping she finishes me off quickly. I feel her move behind me and I can only hold my breath just waiting. She whispers close to my ear "don't move." She starts to cut the rope holding me to the chair starting with my hands and then my legs. She gave my shoulder a squeeze and says "Lunch will be delivered soon, Clarke." With those parting words, she leaves and I hear the door shut with a small click. 

I move my hands and rub my wrists to get the circulation back into my arms. I scan the entire room hoping for something to use to get out of here but all there is, is a small cot in one corner, sink, and toilette in the other corner, and one overhead fluorescent light. The room has no windows and is built out of solid concrete. 

"Come on think Clarke what happened after you went back into the club last night," I say to myself. 

No matter how hard I try to think everything is just fuzzy. I walk around the room trying to clear my head but that just makes me angrier and frustrated. In my rage, I pick up the chair and throw it across the room and scream out loud hoping someone can hear me but I know they won't. I walk to the sink and splash water on my face to help clean the grime off my face and drink so my mouth doesn't feel like the Sahara desert.

I walk to the cot and sit down with my legs pushed up to my knees and silently cry. I haven't cried like this since dad passed away and thinking about him just makes me cry harder. All I could think about was this is it I left to start a new life only to be brought to my own death. I escaped one living hell only to be brought back into a new one. 

No, I will not let this get to me I am stronger than this and I'm getting the hell out here. If she thinks she can get to me then fuck her she has no idea who she's messing with. I wipe away my tears and think of ways to get out of here. I scan the room again and my eyes land on the chair. It's not much but at least it's the only thing not secured down to the floor. I pick up the chair and practice swinging it around. I wait by the door with the chair over my head just waiting for that bitch to come through so I can slam her head with it. 

When I hear the door open and I start swinging the chair as hard as I can I suddenly feel a hand wrapped around my neck, my back slammed against the wall and the chair ripped from my grasp. I felt the air leave my lungs when my back was slammed against the well. "That was not very nice Clarke," Lexa growls into my ear. I open my eyes and notice how angry and hurt she looks. I can't look into her eyes in fear of seeing my own scared reflection through hers. As I feel her loosen the grip around my neck I can finally inhale. 

"I was trying to be nice Clarke, bring you some lunch and a change of clothes maybe even show you around, but I guess you want to do this the hard way." She leaves and slams the door shut before I can say anything. I slowly slide down the cement wall and reflect on my current situation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I apologize for the late chapter. Last semester was very crazy and busy for me with school and work, plus I had writers block. This work is not abandoned I will try my very best to complete it. As always I I hope you will enjoy and any comments/feedback is appreciated.

I have been kidnapped now for 24 hours. Lexa hasn't made an appearance since the attack. I try to get comfortable on the cot but I'm getting hungry and this dress does not provide a lot of warmth. As a lay there staring at the ceiling slowly waiting for the madness to kick in I hear the door open and Lexa walks in.

"I hope you are feeling better after that outburst," Lexa says. I continue to stare at her and hope my lack of communication will make her go away.

She sighs "Here I brought you a change of clothes. I will be back in 5 minutes you should be changed by then. Do not make this difficult Clarke just change and I will be back to show you around." She leaves the clothes on the chair and leaves.

I walk to the chair and see the clothes she brought me are from my dresser. That bitch! I try to contain my anger but she went through my personal belongings. I wonder what else she's done...

Not wanting to have a repeat of last time I quickly change out of my dress and into my favorite blue jeans and a black V neck.

Lexa opens the door and looks me up from head to toe before giving a short nod. " I hope you are feeling more comfortable now?" she says. I nod my head slightly and she smiles.

"Good. If you could follow me Clarke," she says. 

I am apprehensive about leaving with her and she says "come on Clarke, either you walk with me or I will drag you." 

I start to make my towards her and she starts to walk out of the room. When we are both out she closes the door behind us. "Follow me Clarke and please don't try and run. I don't want you getting hurt," Lexa vaguely threatens. 

As I am trailing behind her I can't help but notice how huge this house, no this castle is. It looks old but with modern improvements. This place is gorgeous. When I look back at her she is staring intently at me as if she can read my mind. "Beautiful isn't it?" She says. I don't reply back and continue to stare at her. 

She looks away and we start walking again. "This property has been in my family for generations. I've been restoring it in my spare time." As we keep walking I make try to make note of how many rooms, windows, and halls there are. When we reach the backyard I can't hold in my gasp as I see we are surrounded by a huge forest. If I wasn't kidnapped I would spend hours drawing this place. The property is so large and covered in trees as far as I can see.

"The reason I am showing you around Clarke is that this will be your new home and to show you that you cannot run away. The entire castle and forest perimeter is wired, so if you step out in any way I will know." She says in a stern voice. "Once you have started to learn how things work around here you will find living here satisfactory."

"I don't wanna live here with you psycho!" I yell at her. "My friends and family will be worried about me and start looking for me. When they find me they will take your crazy ass to jail." I expect her to be angry at me not chuckle.

"Oh, Clarke. You will soon learn that I have everything taken care of. I sent a text message to your friend Octavia telling her that you've gone home to visit your mother for your birthday to make amends and you don't know when you're coming back. And please don't insult me I know that you hardly ever call or text your mother Abby or step-dad Marcus." Lexa says.

I can't help but gape at her "how... how do you know any of this?"

" I think the time for questions is over Clarke. Let's go to the kitchen for some lunch," Lexa sighs and starts walking away.

I do nothing but follow her back inside and try to think very hard if I have ever seen Lexa before.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think and if should continue this story. Please leave comments and critique! :)


End file.
